Food matters

07/04/09

Countless Nigerian men in the United States and the rest of the Diaspora are suffering silently because of their marriages to ‘fast food’ wives. This is interesting as it is becoming increasingly difficult in this day and age to marry a Nigerian woman who knows her way around the kitchen.

Young Nigerian women of marriageable age that know their way around the kitchen are indeed a dying breed on the cusp of extinction in desperate need of a preservation program. And this worrisome trend should serve as a serious warning to those Nigerian men who have refused to learn how to cook and still depend on their wives for a good Nigerian meal.
Such men need to be advised to take cooking lessons and be seriously warned that modern Nigerian women do not have the culinary astuteness of their mothers; this is no fault of theirs, but rather a result of the times and society in which they have been brought up.

I was at a social event last weekend where music, food and drinks were plentiful in true Nigerian fashion. It appeared that every Nigerian dish was served with guests filling up multiple times. There was okro soup, pepper soup, plantain, jollof rice, moi moi, eba and too numerous to list. I watched diligently as the guests trooped expectantly back and forth to the serving table to fill their plates and subsequently their stomachs. But one particular gentleman that sat next to me drew my attention to this debacle that is becoming the fad amongst young Nigerian women.

This guy, recently married to a beautiful young Nigerian lady in her mid to late twenties, confessed to me as to why he had to eat all he could at that party – “O’ boy, this is my only chance, o,” he stated leaving me in a perplexed state as he had not provided the context before now. “What do you mean,” I retorted.
He looked around to ensure that his wife was still chatting with friends at another table before confessing it all. “My wife need help o, na so so catch-up dinner I dey eat for house.” I could not help but be amused at this admission and upon further reflection, his face betrayed it all. “Burger King is now king in my house,” he continued as he muscled balls of eba down his throat.
I asked if he did not know of her inability to cook a good Nigerian meal before he married her and his response further amused me as it was evident that he was blinded by her beauty which regrettably eclipsed other equally important qualities a man should seek in a woman he intends to marry. Yet, this gentleman was hardly alone; many Nigerian men are wallowing sorrowfully in the same situation, coming home each night to hot dogs meals, pizza and burgers.

In some cases, the wife can cook, but simply does not have the time as she, like the husband, also works eight to ten hours a day. This is the reality of America and the West where two incomes, in these uncertain economic times are now necessary to sustain the family. In such a situation, a man should not expect his wife to rush to the kitchen to prepare a simmering Nigerian dish for she too must be tired after a long day at work and if there are kids involved the stakes become higher as she must also attend to them, assisting with their home work and preparing them for school the next day. Therefore, under these conditions, expecting her to cook is tantamount to expecting the man to mow the lawn and wash the cars after a long day at work.

I remember well the worrisome case of a Nigerian woman a few years ago in the United States that divorced her Nigerian husband whom she claimed turned her into a slave. As a nurse, she maintained long hours at work and returned home to continue a different kind of work. In this case, she was married to a man who expected freshly cooked Nigerian meal at each sitting.

Imagine such utterly unrealistic expectations in America where time is ever fleeting. The woman would plead with him to eat leftovers as she had to also tend to the kids and prepare herself for work the next day, but all to no avail. The man, on his part, would complain to the high heavens, accusing his wife of attempting to serve him grass (as in salad) meant for goats instead of his amala, etc. At the end, it was all too much for the lady who was forced by the circumstances to end the marriage. Unfortunate indeed!

The salient lessons here are rather clear for all serious men to understand – that every man must learn how to cook to avoid a situation where they would have to depend on their wives for a good home cooked meal. Besides if that wife is hit by a bus the next day, how would they eat that good meal? What of if she travels for more than two months and the food she prepared and put in the freezer has been exhausted, how would they eat the good meal?

The intriguing thing here is that some of these women use food as a weapon, no less, as a leverage against their husbands. They would say, “if you don’t do this for me, I will not cook that favorite meal of yours.” As the saying goes – the way to man’s heart is through his stomach” and the Nigerian man easily caves in knowing how well he loves his eba and okro soup and would pay any price to continue enjoying these meals.

In the West, given the scarcity of time, it is increasingly becoming difficult for Nigerian couples to have time for themselves. Many work three to four jobs just to make ends meet and when they return home, they barely have time for the family and their spouse. In the course of events, romance suffers, the children are not given the care and love they deserve and ultimately the marriage collapses.

I remember another case of a Nigerian lady in Virginia that complained bitterly of her husband's lack of attention to her that ultimately, she sought the comfort of another man who spared no effort in populating the earth through her. The husband later confessed that with three jobs at hand, he could not find time to appreciate his wife the way he ought to have.

Given these dire circumstances, it is overly imperative for these men to avail themselves of the magic of the kitchen as a matter of life and death. Therefore, Nigerian men are encouraged to preempt their wives in the kitchen by learning how to cook not only to ensure that the family has good home cooked meals to eat when the wife is not up to it, but as a means of self-preservation and to avoid situations where their wives would hold them hostage with their culinary skills.

Lest we forget to conclude the story of that gentleman at the party that paid homage to Burger King in his home; as the evening progressed, I noticed that he smilingly made several trips to the serving table with his plate overflowing with each trip. When it was time to go, I observed that he and his wife left with a plastic bag filled with food. And how could I forget his parting remarks to me, “I’ll be in heaven for a few days.” Indeed.

The lessons here are abundant and should not be missed; Nigerian men should be warned that not all that glitters is gold; they must look beyond the beauty and all the romance and assess their wives-to-be properly before taking the nuptial vows, otherwise, they too would pay homage to Burger King and eat ketchup filled soup all day long in their homes.

Be warned.

*Culled from "This Day",a Nigerian Daily.