Capgras:Chapter Three

By Charles Ayanleke
© 2009
Chapter Three

His father was having none of the nonsense. No child of his was going to drop out in high school. He was well aware of the distinct advantage college education confers on people. People who have at least a college education dominate the middle class in America. It was like a certain passport to a life of comfort.

Anyone dropping out of high school more often than not struggle to get a foothold in the society. The occasional lucky one breaks through in a band or excels in some sport, but the majority simply fade into obscurity and extreme hardship. He had sworn that no child of his was going to endure the sort of difficulties he was now grappling with.

“First you get up now and put on your clothes”, his father had said.
Slowly, Aiden stood up and picked up his sweater. He was shivering more severely by then. He had remained huddled up in the corner almost naked for several hours by the time his father returned home.
His mum had called his dad that he would not get up or dress up.

“Are you trying to get yourself killed or something?” Mr. McCain asked. He was well aware that though they had their heating cranked up to the max, the intensity of the cold was such that the inside of the house was still noticeably cold. Northeast Ohio was experiencing an unprecedented cold weather with wind chill advisory. In addition, their vents had been clogged for several weeks now, and they just could not yet afford to have it cleaned up.

“Why are you not going to school?” he asked, when Aiden was finally protected from the cold by his sweater.
“I am tired of this struggle, dad” he replied.
“What struggle?” his dad replied.
It was then that Aiden revealed to them for the first time that he had begun having several strange experiences. He mentioned that he often heard voices in his head saying terrible things to him. Occasionally, he would hear a chorus like an orchestra. The orchestra never really bothered him, he said. His problem was the obnoxious voice. He even had a name for the voice, “Frankie”.

His parents just stood there, unable to speak or move. This was the last thing they needed. Their whole life since Aiden arrived into the family had been lived in the office of some psychiatrist for one mental health issue or the other.

Aduke McCain felt very sorry for her son. She had a brother who suffered from psychosis. She had been told that this illness had a very high hereditary component. She had been secretly hoping that Aiden would never go down that route. She was prepared to endure the social and communication difficulties identified in his Asperger’s diagnosis. Asperger’s now sounded like a cool diagnosis to have compared to what they feared might now be the case.

Their appointment with Dr Patterson was more to confirm their worst fears than anything else. Neither of them held their breath for any last minute surprise in the dreaded but predictable outcome of Patterson’s evaluation.
When Patterson started to deliver a nuanced introduction aimed at softening the blow of such a devastating diagnosis, Mr. McCain wanted him to cut the chase.
“Does Aiden have Schizophrenia?” he asked Dr Patterson.
“I’m afraid yes”, the doctor replied.
They all sat uneasily in their chairs, unsure what would come next.

“We now have several useful drugs to manage this condition”, Patterson continued.
Aduke believed none of that. Her brother Stephen was a wreck with the so-called useful drugs. If he was not on them, he was climbing the wall. When he was on them, he looked like a zombie. She wondered what her little boy would look like once he started taking any of those poisons. Nonetheless, she realized they had very little options from henceforth.

Aiden was adamant that he was not crazy. He told Dr Patterson so. He knew that the voices would go away once he rested fully. He felt he had been working himself to death in school in the prior several months. Maybe the pressure of the “bee” and all those Math contests were getting to him.
His parents knew better. Aiden was not the only student who had participated in those contests.
They did not want to feed his denial.
********************************************************

Jeff Boyle was glad Aiden arrived early, earlier than other workers on this cold winter morning. It had been a long-running battle to get Aiden to cut out his late-coming habit. He often came late. So late, in fact, that his day’s wage has had to be slashed several times. Jeff had repeatedly told Aiden that no one who wanted to succeed in the dairy business could afford to be lax with time keeping.

The health of the animals and overall productivity and yield could be directly traced to how dedicated the farmer was at maintaining a strict routine for feeding, grazing, immunization scheduling and mating.
Jeff had several anecdotes he was always eager to share with Aiden, but the young man had always displayed a clear indifference to such extras. He just wanted to earn his day’s wage.

Jeff thought that was such a waste. He was sorry for the lad. His father was a good friend of his from elementary school. The elder McCain had pleaded with him to give Aiden a chance on his farm. They both hoped that he might generate enough interest to perhaps own his own farm someday.
They were both wrong. Aiden simply wanted to earn some cash to buy himself a few things he had always wanted and which he felt his father could never really afford. Like the endless new releases of the video games he was now addicted to for instance.

Aiden went straight into his allocation for the day. He had his favorite cows. Jeff tried his best to allocate him to his favorite pet,Betty.
While milking Betty, Aiden suddenly saw the barn light come on out of the corner of his right eye. At the same time, Betty stamped her left hind leg on the ground twice.
This could not really be happening, could it? he thought to himself. He had struggled with the revelation of the previous night. He had convinced himself that God could not really have been talking to him. He was too sinful to be called by the almighty.

The McCains were not a very religious family. They only ever attended mass on the festivals of Easter, Christmas and maybe New Year day.
That was why the experience of the previous night was even more perturbing to Aiden. He had heard a distinct voice inside his head. The voice was low toned and had the quality of a gentle breeze. Whoever had the voice had told him he had been chosen to save the world.
He was specifically told to look out for a clear sign of his calling at the farm the next morning. The sign was the light bulb at the barn suddenly flashing on and the cow stamping her foot on the ground not once, but twice.

Aiden was now petrified. He was doing badly enough already without having to grapple with the added responsibility of “saving the world”, he thought. He did not know what to do next. He left Betty and went into the barn. It was all getting too much for him now.
Grabbing his winter coat, he went into Jeff’s run-down office( at least that is what they all called it).
“Can I help you, Aiden?” Jeff asked.
“I’m leaving,” he said.
“Leaving?” Jeff repeated almost sarcastically. “You can’t be serious, you barely just came in!” he continued.
“I mean I quit” Aiden said, almost without emotion.
“What do you mean you quit? Have you discussed this with your dad? Jeff prodded.
“Leave my dad out of this. I’m my own man now, I take my own decisions” Aiden replied, making it sound almost like a stern warning.
“Well, if that’s what you want” Jeff said in a resigned tone.
“May I ask why you’re quitting? Was it something I did wrong?” Jeff was curious.
“No it was nothing about you” he replied.
“So what was it?” you can count on me. Jeff was now dying of curiosity.
“You won’t understand even if I told you.”
“Try me” Jeff countered.
“Ok, I received a call from God to save the world”, Aiden continued innocently.
Jeff turned pale. He knew something was wrong.
As soon as Aiden turned to leave, Jeff picked up his phone and called Mr. McCain.

Joe McCain woke up late, as he had no job lined up. Before Jeff had finished talking to him, he was calling an ambulance.
Aduke was hysterical. They thought he had hit a clean patch of sorts. That was why they had agreed to his request to start independent living in Canton. Now she wondered what he had been up to.
Maybe he had refused to take his medications. Aiden knew better than that, she hoped. It was one of the conditions they all agreed to attach to his privilege of independent living. They had also all agreed to occasional unscheduled inspection visits by the elder McCains to ensure he was not living in a refuse dump.

When they arrived at the Psychiatry emergency room (ER), his reception was swift as usual. All the ER staff knew Aiden very well. He had been coming in regularly since turning eighteen.
His initial contact with one of the newer psychiatry resident doctors was brief. She just medicated him and admitted him for an acute psychotic episode.

Aiden was disappointed. He could not understand how a religious experience qualified for a psychiatric emergency. If he had any idea they would consider it that, he probably would not have voiced out his experience. Anyway, here he was in this God-forsaken unit one more time.

He had been pleased with himself for having been successful in keeping away for the previous six months. He had tried to stay off his medications since he was feeling so well. He saw no reason why he needed to keep popping those poisons. He felt like a zombie when he took those pills.

He felt extremely slowed down both mentally and physically when he had been on the medications, his joints would go stiff, and his mouth went dry. Those were very uncomfortable feelings.

He had been here before. This façade of therapy. They simply gave you injections to numb your mind and knock you off. Aiden had never truly believed that those shots did anything to touch the underlying issues. Each time, once the effect of the shot wore off, Frankie invariably returned to torment him. They usually relied on the maintenance pills to sort of continue the work the shot had started. It never really played out that way.

He was unsure which was the most intolerable; Frankie’s taunts or the unacceptable effects of the poisons his shrinks pumped into him. He had no choice at this particular time. The decision had been taken out of his hands. He was under the dreaded pink slip again.

Aiden was sure majority of his pink slips were unwarranted. He had rights like everyone else, he thought. However, what the pink slips did was to take away his rights and permit treatment against his wish. He was often powerless against them because his own parents always co-signed with the shrinks. He wondered if a mentally ill patient could ever sue the psychiatrist and members of his own family for wrongful pink slipping. That was a topic for another day. He slowly began to slip into that abyss of void and darkness that descended on him every time the tranquilizing shots kicked in.
*********************************************************************
As he sat holding Michelle in his arms in the garden, he stopped having any misgivings toward this particular pink slip episode. If he had not been brought in this time, he would probably not have had the opportunity to meet this stunning lady with a genuinely compelling personal story.
They exchanged phone numbers.

After their discharge from the hospital in Akron, Aiden got an invitation in the mail to attend a military ceremony at the Wright Patterson airforce base in Dayton. The Vice President of the United States would conduct the award of the Silver Star to Aiden and four other returning Iraqi veterans.
The Silver Star is the third highest military decoration that can be awarded to a member of the US military.

He called Michelle to find out if she would love to attend with him. She agreed. It was an opportunity she was not about to let slip. She said her uncle now had a live-in girlfriend. That was such a relief for her because her nieces had taken to the new girlfriend immediately.

Michelle was excited to be attending a military ceremony. She wondered what to wear. It had to be perfect. She called up her friends one after another for advice. Finally she went to a premium outlet mall outside Canton to pick a suitable frock with shoes and bag to match.
She could see where this was going. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to rush into another relationship after the ruinous experience that she had with Peter. Her relationship with Peter had lasted only three months, but it left her extremely scarred. He was abusive both physically and emotionally. He thought he had a hold on her and was sure she was never going to leave. Well, she did.

She assured herself a man would never hold her hostage any more, ever. As she looked down at the beautiful frock, she wonders what it was about women that made them so susceptible to manipulation by men. She did not understand why ladies who had endured a terrible experience in a previous relationship like she had eventually thought little about jumping right back into another one despite themselves.

She met with Suzan and Jane at the "winking lizard" later that evening. They were so eager to hear the details of this new dude. She was initially cagey about Aiden. She wasn’t sure there was anything in this yet, she told them.

“ Well, if he’s inviting you to his big day, there has to be something” Suzan said.
“If there isn’t something now, I guarantee you there’d be something pretty soon” Jane added.
“I don’t know, girls, I just don’t want to set myself up for another disappointment” She said.
“After Peter, you can only do better for yourself. I don’t think anybody could be worse” Suzan continued.

After a couple of beers each, they parted ways. The girls wanted to be kept updated on the blow-by-blow account. Michelle was not in any mood to live her whole relationship in the minds of her friends. After all, they don’t tell her everything happening between them and their boyfriends either. She just felt she was more needy emotionally. She almost needed validation of any feelings she had by her two closest friends. She had to learn to keep her own stuff to herself more, she thought.
*************************************************************************
As she approached their modest condo in downtown Canton, she saw an ambulance in the front of the house and several neighbors milling around to check out what was going on. She ran very fast to get some answers. As she arrived at the doorstep, she saw the paramedics wheeling out one of her nieces on a gurney. It was Amy! She could not believe what she was seeing. Amy’s face was a pale version of its usual lively self. She was drooling saliva from the corners of her mouth and appeared to be holding her throat. She had a mask slammed on her face. She appeared breathless.

She pushed the door in to locate her uncle or his girlfriend. They informed her that Amy had got sick in the early evening and appeared to be having difficulty breathing. Michelle was surprised. Amy was the healthier of her two nieces. She never even came down with a cold. Miley was the one that always had some virus. Miley was the older sister; she was six and Amy was three.

They drove to the local hospital behind the Ambulance. After the initial triaging at the nursing station in the ER, Amy was quickly admitted to the pediatric wards. They were told she had an inflammation of her throat. The doctor called it “epiglottitis”. They were left in no doubt as to the serious nature of this infection. Amy had to receive special humidified oxygen and powerful antibiotics.

Michelle overheard the senior pediatrician teaching the younger doctors that it was a good thing nobody looked in Amy’s throat, because she may have stopped breathing from the irritation. She was glad too that nobody had done that, she wanted her beloved niece back.
Miley was just standing there. She was probably wondering what was happening to her baby sister. She could perceive that the older folks were reasonably worried about Amy too.
“Is Amy going to die, Michelle?” she asked.

Michelle was unsure whether Miley really understood what it meant for someone to die. Her recent Psychology classes in nursing school seemed to suggest that young children pass through the stage of invincibility and had no understanding of the concept of death and dying.

“No she won’t, she only has a bad throat infection” Michelle tried to assure her.
“Now, why don’t we return home so you can have something to eat?” she continued.
“No, I want to stay here with Amy”, Miley replied.
“You know, it’s probably not advisable, we don’t want you picking up the infection too” Michelle stressed. She added that the doctor would probably not let any of them stay beyond the next hour anyway.
That seemed to convince Miley. She shrugged her shoulders.

Her uncle Todd and his new girlfriend Doreen joined them at the waiting room. Doreen was a pleasant short brunette with a charming, bright white smile. She seemed to light up any room and projected infectious warmth to everyone around her. Michelle always envied people who could manage to be so happy all the time. She could count the number of happy days she gets in a year. She secretly hoped that if Aiden worked out, she could finally join the “happy league”.

They arrived home late at night. Doreen asked if she wanted some cappuccino. She had made one for Todd. Miley was fast asleep. She had fallen asleep on the short ride from the hospital. Todd just took her straight to bed. It was a strange feeling for everyone. None of the girls had ever been sick enough to warrant an overnight stay in the hospital.

“What in the world is epiglottitis by the way?” Doreen asked.
“Apparently, it’s some pretty bad throat bug” Todd replied.
“Doctors just find some strange name to label small diseases with. Why can’t they just speak in a language everyone would understand?” Doreen continued.
“It’s medicalese,” said Michelle. She added that she too was beginning to get gradually inducted into the fold with the increasingly clinical aspects of her nursing training.

Michelle sipped the cappuccino Doreen had handed her. The flames in the fireplace provided the only lighting in their small living room and created an interesting hue when viewed against the mahogany wooden floor. They tried to avoid putting on the central heating for too long to avoid exorbitant gas bills this winter. However, Todd knew he would have little option now that he had put Miley to bed. Her room was probably much colder than the living room area. She would be cold despite the thick blankets she had been wrapped up in.

“So, I heard you would be attending a ceremony chaired by the Vice President” Doreen said.
“Yes”, Michelle replied.
“I bet you can’t wait” Doreen continued.
Michelle was puzzled by how star struck everyone seemed to be about the Vice President. She never viewed any politician as celebrity. They were all corrupt as far as she was concerned. The only thing impressive about this ceremony for her is the fact that Aiden would be awarded a prestigious medal for bravery in the battle front and she was going to be there to witness it live. That he had even thought of inviting her was surreal, she thought.

When she retired to bed that night, she wondered where and when Aiden would finally ask her to be his girlfriend. She wondered if he would at all. Surely this was not heading platonic. She hoped not. She was already smitten by him. She was now thinking more of him than she thought of Amy and Miley. That was always a good sign for any aspiring boyfriend of hers.

She wondered what he was doing at that moment. Would he be thinking about her too? She was concerned about his mental health. Sure if he took his medications, he would be fine. She was yet to mention to any of her friends or family about Aiden’s mental health problems. She was unsure how they might take it. She guessed her friends might have one or two colorful comments about that issue.

She was not sure how their interesting combination would pan out eventually. What would be the implications for any future kids if the dad was schizophrenic and the mum was depressed? She knows several mental disorders had a heavy genetic influence. She also knew there was always the option of not having any kids. That’s how much she was beginning to fall in love with Aiden.

She felt really silly for even thinking that far. She was not even sure yet if Aiden was going to ask her out, but she sure was going to take her chance if asked. Why else would he invite her to his big day? She played Susan’s question to herself again, almost self-indulgently.
She finally fell into deep sleep.
She found herself dreaming of weddings and a knight in shinning armor.
But the knight was not Aiden.
******************************************************
Michelle was in no mood to attend classes that morning. But she knew she had to. She had to drive to the local Wal-Mart where the three girls regularly met to car-pool. The drive to Akron was not that far, but they had several advantages to car-pooling. They could all save on gas while also catching up on gossip on the way to and from their classes.

As she spotted Jane’s 1996 Chevy blazer in the rear view mirror, she grabbed whatever she had dropped on her passenger’s seat earlier that morning and rushed out of the car. She was well prepared for the harsh Ohio winter, wearing her thickest woollen jacket and covering all her orifices in a carefully choreographed dressing ritual.

She could see Suzan also emerging from her car. Both girls made a mad dash for Jane’s Chevy amidst the gathering blizzard. There was already significant accumulation of snow overnight. The three had carefully looked for any media announcement of school closures but none was forthcoming. If it had been any other subjects scheduled for that morning, they probably would all have skipped the class.
But this was Med Math class. And big Ben was always guaranteed to come up with some sadistic innovative thoughts on especially days like this. He was once fabled to have allocated seventy percent of the whole semester worth of work in a single quiz session served on a cold winter day when half the students stayed at home.

You couldn’t afford to fail Med Math. It is a required subject to graduate from nursing school. Most of the time, the girls couldn’t understand what the heck big Ben was talking about anyway, but they just sat there. You get some marks just for sitting there staring at his big fat belly and owl sized eyes beneath bifocal lenses. Michelle knew some people she didn’t have to wonder whether they were getting laid or not. Big Ben definitely was not. She could never picture herself in any sexual situation with this man.

It took at least five to seven minutes for everyone to settle in the car, except Jane that is, since she didn’t need to get down from her car. Even then, both Michelle and Suzan had to keep hurdled up in their seats with gloves on while the heating warmed up the car. Jane’s house was next door to the Wal-Mart and the drive was not long enough for her to heat the car before picking up the girls.

“You know, girlfriend should probably consider buying one of those remote starter kits” Suzan broke the silence.
“We all should probably consider them” Michelle grinned. Or better still date someone who would manually install one, she added mischievously.
“Speaking of dating, what’s the latest on Aiden?” Jane asked matter-of-factly.

Michelle started to protest. She wondered why they always had to talk about her own relationship. She asked why Suzan would hardly talk about herself and Patrick at all.
“Because he’s a freaking player, that’s why”; Suzan responded. We only have an open relationship.
“Like what does that even mean these days?” Michelle continued. You mean you guys are just having sex without strings attached? How are you sure you aren’t getting an STD?
“Well, there’s something called a condom, girl.” Suzan replied.

Jane was feeling left out already.
“I heard condoms don’t protect a hundred percent against HIV though. Like you could still pick up the virus even if your man doubles up all the time. That’s scary.”
“Well, standard precautions should cut your risk. Its not like am dating a black dude or something…those guys are reportedly reservoirs of the virus.” Suzan continued without taking her eyes off the road.
“I simply can’t believe you just made such a retarded statement” Michelle screamed. “What are you? A fucking racist?”
“Hey, relax, girlfriend. I just made a popular point. It’s out there already, it’s common knowledge!” Suzan said, refusing to back off.

“I just can’t believe you would say that” Michelle countered. It’s so unfair. We’ve both seen white HIV patients just as we’ve seen black HIV patients. You cannot stereotype people on HIV risk based on race.
“Well, half of South Africa has AIDS. The virus has decimated parts of sub-Saharan Africa. There has to be some link right there”, Jane added.
“Wow, wow, wow, wait a minute…is Aiden black?” Suzan asked.
“Common Suzan, does Aiden sound like a black name to you?” Jane countered almost absent-mindedly.

“Yes he is” Michelle replied after a brief pause.
The car fell silent. Jane’s face went pale like she had just broken a set of pricey chinaware and caught red handed doing it. This was the last bolt she expected from the blue.
When the silence started getting uncomfortable, Michelle spoke again. “I never imagined I would fall for a black man either, just that Aiden is so different.”

“You sound apologetic, Michelle. Nobody should apologize for their choice in love” Suzan said.
Jane could still not bring herself to speak. She felt she had already spoken herself into trouble all morning. But as she exited the highway towards Akron, she felt the need to redeem herself somewhat.

“I’m sorry, Michelle, I meant no harm. I didn’t mean to be rude or anything,”
“That’s okay, I understand.” She said she hoped they’d both meet him soon so they could make up their minds about the man rather than the popular stereotype.
“He has to still ask you first, Michelle” Suzan said. Or has he already?
“No he hasn’t. Technically”, Michelle admitted.
“What, you guys need a pre-nup before going on a date? What’s taking so long? Jane attempted to make light of an awkward situation.
“Well, I’ll see what happens at the award ceremony”, Michelle said.

Jane was having extreme difficulty finding an empty space in the parking lot as usual. She momentarily considered pulling into the handicapped space. That was always a temptation she struggled with since high school when she just passed her driving test. Not only did her parents drum the moral case against that temptation into her, she had picked up a hefty ticket on the one occasion she’d succumbed. Now, she had learnt her lesson.
The only space left was labelled “reserved”. She couldn’t care less. They were already late for big Ben’s class as it were. She pulled into the reserved slot. She joked that if she ever got fined for doing this, everyone would share the ticket.

As they all made for the rear entrance of the class, Michelle couldn’t help but reflect on their conversation in the car. She never thought her friends would have issues with dating a black man. That conversation had simply never come up. She was expecting the debate to be about his Schizophrenia. Maybe she had to keep that to herself now. She wondered what other colorful comment Jane might have to describe a schizophrenic boyfriend if she had torn a black one into so many shreds so effortlessly.

This was 2003, not 1952. It’s amazing how attitudes have been slow to change despite all the civil rights struggle and everything. Maybe she was more open because of her personal story and her early years in Cleveland. These girls had both not left Stark County all their lives, so interaction with black folks is still very minimal. Michelle remembers her early years after her mum was killed, she had lived with her step dad on the cheaper side of Shaker Heights in Cleveland. There was no shortage of horror stories of crime, poverty and suffering in the neighborhood. It was a miracle to sleep and wake up the next day.

Her alcoholic step-dad was black, and he would come home with several of his junkie friends who were always clearly stoned. At first, young Michelle was always sequestered in her tiny room in the basement while they did their grown-up things, but that was before the sexual abuse began.
Michelle is still grateful to the Jeffersons to this day. It was Mrs. Jefferson who reported to the Cleveland Police after she could no longer remain silent. Michelle’s screams would keep her awake late at night. She knew the poor girl was probably helpless. She took a big risk in calling the police, though. Everyone in Shaker knew about Sting. He was the local hit man of the dreaded Scorpion gang that ceaselessly terrorized the greater Cleveland area.

Michelle will never be able to personally express her gratitude to Mrs. Jefferson. She and her husband were found in a pool of their own blood in their bedroom with their throats slit open the week following Sting’s sentencing in court. Their killers were never found.
The CPS took Michelle to Stark County to live with Uncle Todd that same week. She has not left Canton since then.

None of them learnt anything from big Ben’s lecture as expected. Jane was not quite shocked to find another yellow ticket underneath her car wipers. Something had to be done about parking by the school, and fast too.