Giggle

The Switchboard says.......

Hello, and thankyou for calling St Jude''s Psychiatric Hospital. Please choose one of the following options.

If you have obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press 1 repeatedly

If you are co-dependent please ask someone else to press 2.

If you have multiple personality, please press 3,4,5 & 6

If you are paranoid, we know what you want & who you are. Please stay on the line while we trace your call.

If you have delusions, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the mother ship.

If you have schizophrenia, listen carefully and a voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed it doesn't matter which number you press as no- one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696966

For chronic anxiety queries, please fidget with the Hash key till someone responds.

For Bipolar disorder please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep, but please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9 If you have short-term memory loss, press 9 If you have short-term memory loss, press 9

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk to people like you.

Please do not press any buttons if you're blonde, as you'll just mess it up.

Alzheimer's patients should press the button with the number remaining when you've finished subtracting seven from a hundred. !!!!!!!!!